So after such a long time in the dark valley of the abyss that is my mind; I have returned.
I have returned with a vengeance RAWR, nah not really i've just always wanted to say that lol .
well, I hope everyone has been dynamite, and life has brought you guys good fortunes =)
I feel that I've grown mentally and learned alot these past months, and school is going pretty well for me Im still staying on track with my health and just living my days to the fullest. Its very refreshing to be posting again actually because I do have alot on my mind ( when dont I? ) lol. So its about time that i fed my neurosis =).
I am looking forward to winter and cant wait, as it is my favorite season :P Lots of essays and assignments for me but being a Philosophy major, I cannot say that I am surprised by this.
I have Philosophy of Law, Philosophy of human nature (my fave) and Philosophy of Social Issues.
Although I haven't been at school for the past week and a half because I've been recovering from a cold
its also a chance to escape from people at school because I like to be alone sometimes and when I get to school they want to hang out with me ALL the time, Im glad Im sick :S lol its a great chance for me to breathe for a while. but being the great friends that they are they have been texting me off the clock lol, I love 'em.
So, I am an ambivert, I require both outside as well as inside stimulation to reach my desired level of happiness, but sometimes my introverted side takes over more i find. I find that sometimes its stifling to be around other people too much, then they start to get on my nerves and I feel that I cannot breathe... It isn't so much what they say, its just the fact that they are around it just makes the air around me feel so tight and I have to go the the bathroom to escape them, but other people are there in the bathroom too, so that doesn't work. My haven is an empty bathroom lol
Im sure many people are this way as well.
This is just how I am as a person and I've accepted it; If my friends ever address it as an issue with me, Ill explain that it is normal for me, so that they don't take it personally ; I don't want to send the wrong message.
My family knows that this is how I am, and when my door is closed, Im in my zone... when its half open they come on in for a chat =) It works itself out lol .
my dog is the only one in the family that doesn't get that message however, but I make the exception for her adorable little face XD, besides who doesn't love licks to the cheeks, chin and ears whenever they chance to happen ( always).

I hate to say this: So ill say it once, you guys were right when you said I WOULD fall in love again lol...
well not exactly love.. perse, but there's a cool guy at my school; I've known him since last year, we've hung out a few times. I've discussed my fears with him, he shares the same surprisingly. I don't want a relationship at this time in my life, but i have my eye on him lol .. i told him that jokingly once (because i wasn't guarded and caught up in the moment, it made him laugh) I still think that there is alot to learn about myself before I enter another relationship. I need to figure out why i accept guys in my life who are neglectful and essentially cold inside, guys who are "damaged goods" as its commonly reffered to as. Perhaps its because I see myself that way, so i gravitate to them.. However this is of course not healthy, which is why I want to get better.. so I can open my eyes up to better.
For example, this new guy i mentioned, is a prime example; if I end up liking him alot I may get hurt, or even run away from him out of fear of being hurt or hurting him. its not easy, its a very complicated matter. Which is why its always best to keep things fluffy and focus on myself. Like I said, there's a lot to learn lol.

Anyhoo, thanks for listening while I wrestle with my thoughts.
- Im glad to be back =)

Last night I had a dream that I bought a new face cream moisturizer, and after using it on my face it caused me to grow a tail. I know what you are thinking.. "WTF is she smoking before going to bed?".. No, I'm drug free =) this is purely from my own personal random super crazy weirdness.
The tail was so disgusting; looking at it in the mirror in my dream almost made me sick. On top of that there were these brown bubble- like warts all around it and it had no fur it was just a rope thick nub of cartilage and bone covered in skin ( I'm guessing that tails have cartilage) it was nasty, it even hurt when I tried to put pants on, and I remember it increasing in size within minutes of me noticing it, it became thick and the warts grew bumpier, it was the most disgusting thing I've ever dreamt about, the teeth falling out and cracking and breaking in my mouth  is NOTHING compared to this! MAN am I glad that humans lost their tails a long time ago, holy cow it was hideous.  Maybe something is wrong with my brain, why on earth would I have a dream like this? What does it even mean, it was so creepy I actually woke up gasping from the dream. I'm glad it didn't have a chance to end, I do NOT want to know what happened next. But if that were real life, my life would have been over and I would have become some science lab rat wired to censors and such. Thank goodness dreams are not real,
Perhaps my subconscious is trying to torture me or at the very least spook me out.
Has anyone else had a completely random dream such as this one?