Its been over a year since I've last blogged.. Words are racing to my mind as I type. Where to begin?

Things are going well for me, not that they were this entire year and a half, but Im a different person, I see the world more rounded and Ive learnt alot since my last time posting on Xanga. I suppose that is what life is all about huh. My bf and I are now going onto our 2nd year together and we live together in a cute little appartment with my "our" dog. I couldn't be any happier in the relationship, we are an incredible match.  Thanks to him I've become a freelance web developer and I'm so proud of myself. (he was freelancing long before I met him, and out of my curiosity he showed me a few books, and mentioned that I could make alot of money with it... needless to say I've quit my job. It was becoming quite abusive and I needed to get out of there.  It was a risky move, but then again not so much it was only minimum wage. I decided that I better do something fast, either go back to school (which I cant afford without student loans and I dont want to go down that road again) or find something else that pays more. So i learnt web development and now do contracts on a freelance basis, eventually when I have enough experience, I will apply for a full time freelance job.. so that is my goal within the next year and a half period. I feel quite confident about my choices in life and really feel that Im making moves for myself. Im also more sure of myself... I still cant answer certain questions, maybe I never will. But no matter what, I'll keep running this race 

I have a question for you guys though.. Do you think that my self confidence and sureness in my self came with age? or are some people alot older than I am still feeling overwhelmingly unsure of themselves as I was last year?

I dont know what to make of it, I just feel good. 

Im back Xangans! 

Took a very long and unexpected break, Im that way where i just go with the flow of my life and feel and trust my instincts

there are only two things I do against my inclinations, work and walk my dog xD. 

Everything else, if I'm not feeling it, I'm not doing it. 

 

I'm dating a wonderful boy, we've been together for 6 months. He is alot like myself and we are getting along fabulously; we are best friends. Took a break from school for a few years, to work and possibly start a new program instead of continuing my humanities program. I decided that this is my life, and I'm doing it the way my instincts and logic combined tell me to, If you be yourself and live your life; theres no way you can be doing it wrong. 

 

So after such a long time in the dark valley of the abyss that is my mind; I have returned.
I have returned with a vengeance RAWR, nah not really i've just always wanted to say that lol .
well, I hope everyone has been dynamite, and life has brought you guys good fortunes =)
I feel that I've grown mentally and learned alot these past months, and school is going pretty well for me Im still staying on track with my health and just living my days to the fullest. Its very refreshing to be posting again actually because I do have alot on my mind ( when dont I? ) lol. So its about time that i fed my neurosis =).
I am looking forward to winter and cant wait, as it is my favorite season :P Lots of essays and assignments for me but being a Philosophy major, I cannot say that I am surprised by this.
I have Philosophy of Law, Philosophy of human nature (my fave) and Philosophy of Social Issues.
Although I haven't been at school for the past week and a half because I've been recovering from a cold
its also a chance to escape from people at school because I like to be alone sometimes and when I get to school they want to hang out with me ALL the time, Im glad Im sick :S lol its a great chance for me to breathe for a while. but being the great friends that they are they have been texting me off the clock lol, I love 'em.
So, I am an ambivert, I require both outside as well as inside stimulation to reach my desired level of happiness, but sometimes my introverted side takes over more i find. I find that sometimes its stifling to be around other people too much, then they start to get on my nerves and I feel that I cannot breathe... It isn't so much what they say, its just the fact that they are around it just makes the air around me feel so tight and I have to go the the bathroom to escape them, but other people are there in the bathroom too, so that doesn't work. My haven is an empty bathroom lol
Im sure many people are this way as well.
This is just how I am as a person and I've accepted it; If my friends ever address it as an issue with me, Ill explain that it is normal for me, so that they don't take it personally ; I don't want to send the wrong message.
My family knows that this is how I am, and when my door is closed, Im in my zone... when its half open they come on in for a chat =) It works itself out lol .
my dog is the only one in the family that doesn't get that message however, but I make the exception for her adorable little face XD, besides who doesn't love licks to the cheeks, chin and ears whenever they chance to happen ( always).

I hate to say this: So ill say it once, you guys were right when you said I WOULD fall in love again lol...
well not exactly love.. perse, but there's a cool guy at my school; I've known him since last year, we've hung out a few times. I've discussed my fears with him, he shares the same surprisingly. I don't want a relationship at this time in my life, but i have my eye on him lol .. i told him that jokingly once (because i wasn't guarded and caught up in the moment, it made him laugh) I still think that there is alot to learn about myself before I enter another relationship. I need to figure out why i accept guys in my life who are neglectful and essentially cold inside, guys who are "damaged goods" as its commonly reffered to as. Perhaps its because I see myself that way, so i gravitate to them.. However this is of course not healthy, which is why I want to get better.. so I can open my eyes up to better.
For example, this new guy i mentioned, is a prime example; if I end up liking him alot I may get hurt, or even run away from him out of fear of being hurt or hurting him. its not easy, its a very complicated matter. Which is why its always best to keep things fluffy and focus on myself. Like I said, there's a lot to learn lol.

Anyhoo, thanks for listening while I wrestle with my thoughts.
- Im glad to be back =)